Those last five pounds....

I see you. You don't think I can see you, but I can. You small, square sandwich quarter sitting on a spiderman plate, filled with peanut butter and fluffy goodness. But I will not eat you. I will not. Today is not the day.

Because if I do, then I'll just take 2 bites of your twin next to you, just as I'm bringing the plate to the counter. And because I have to clear off the rest of the kid table, I'll finish your little pretzel friends in the snack bowl... there's only 3 or 4 of them. And then the last graham cracker left by the two year-old diner now playing that flute oh-so-loudly and persistently in the living room.

And then, because I haven't had my lunch yet, I will eat a salad.

And since I already blew the day with the craziness of somebody else's peanut butter and fluff, I might as well have just a small cup of M&Ms. Maybe two.

And then I will already start thinking that I will do better tomorrow. Forget it, I'll just have the ice cream for dessert after dinner tonight like everybody else and THEN I'll start fresh tomorrow.

Nope, no fluffernutter for me, thank you. I have more willpower than that.

And I was doing so well up until lunch....

Another milestone...

My oldest son starts first grade tomorrow and I am again reminded of what an emotional, crazy, wonderful, confusing job this parenting thing is. It is so bittersweet, this first day of school experience, and I'm truly very excited for him.

But he's my sweet boy. My first baby. My sensitive little man.

I want to celebrate for him, and hug him, and keep him home, and send him out to the world, all at the same time.

What is going on in his head? I kind of know this, because he's pretty candid about a lot of his concerns. So I know he's excited. And nervous. And is looking forward to science class, and music, and gym. Because he's talked about it. He was smiling about school all day today.

And then in bed, at 7:30 tonight, he asks, "Mom, do you really think I'll like first grade?" And of course, I said, "I really do..."

And then he asks........ "But what if kids tease me?"

Knife through the heart.

Oh my little boy. I wish I could tell you that kids will never tease you. That you will make friends and they will treat you nicely and not hurt you or your feelings, ever. And that everything will always be okay, even though I'm not there.

But I can't say that. And even as much as I wish that I could, I know that learning on your own how to handle the troubled waters of childhood, the social complexities of the playground, the internal struggles of exerting independence and your own voice is what will help you grow, even though I'm not there.

Especially because I'm not there.

So kids might tease. And you might fall at recess. Or make a mistake and be embarrassed in class. And you will grow. And you will learn. And you will be okay.

I have to believe this.

Good luck, my boy!

The following poem kills me but pretty much sums it up.....

My Young Son
by Dan Valentine

My young son starts school today... It's going to be sort of strange
and new to him for awhile, and I wish you would sort of treat him
gently.

You see, up to now, he's been king of the roost... He's been boss of the
backyard... His mother has always been near to soothe his wounds and
repair his feelings.

But now things are going to be different.

This morning he's going to walk down the front steps, wave his hand, and
start out on the great adventure...It is an adventure that might take
him across continents, across oceans...It's an adventure that will
probably include wars and tragedy and sorrow...To live his life in the
world he will have to live in, will require faith and love and courage.

So, World, I wish you would sort of look after him...Take him by the
hand and teach him things he will have to know.

But do it gently, if you can.

He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, that all men
are not true.

But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero... that for
every crooked politician there is a great and dedicated leader... Teach
him that for every enemy, there is a friend.

Steer him away from envy, if you can... and teach him the secret of quiet
laughter.

In school, World, teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to
cheat... Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone says
they are wrong... Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough
with tough people.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is
getting on the bandwagon... Teach him to listen to all men--but teach him
also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take just the good
that siphons through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he's sad... Teach him there is
no shame in tears... Teach him there can be glory in failure and despair
in success.

Treat him gently, World, if you can, but don't coddle him... Because
only the test of fire makes fine steel... Let him have the courage to be
impatient... Let him have the patience to be brave.

Let him be no man's man... Teach him always to have sublime faith in
himself. Because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is quite and order, World, but see what you can do... He's such a
nice little fellow, my son!

Go Green

A long time ago, I vowed to my husband that unless under extreme circumstances, I would not give my business to a company with a cutesy misspelled name. It is a giant pet peeve of mine. GIANT. I'm generally pretty picky about grammar and spelling, although I admit that I am capable of making mistakes from time to time. However, blatant misspelling or poor grammar in the name of marketing annoys me to no end. It almost makes me want to call up the people who run the company and say "Do you really think that this will help you promote your product? Don't you know it just makes you look dumb?" Some examples:

~I saw a sign on the side of the road (there's some high-level marketing) that said "Tutors-is-Us" with a phone number. Are you kidding me? Not even "R".... Would anyone seriously let these people tutor their children???? (I know my own grammar mistake in that sentence... I just can't bring myself to write "his or her" and get the same effect)

~A local preschool is called "Kinder Kollege". No no no no NO! Disturbing on more than one level for me....

~This one's actually one of my favorites and a bit off-topic, but it just came to me. I remember a Chinese food place in the Bronx whose sign read something like, "Kung Pao-- We ain't just Chinese!"


This all leads me to the real topic at hand which is.... the "Greening" of our earth. I broke my own vow today, you see. I made an investment and bought my family new water bottles that I'm counting on lasting us a very long time. We got them in the mail today and we are all very excited about them. After extensive research, I decided to, however reluctantly at first, go with a company called Klean Kanteen. Ah! A double- whammy!

My family has been making more and more of an effort to make smarter, more earth-friendly choices around the house and in our everyday lives. Klean Kanteen offers an eco-friendly, stainless steel bottles that are non-leaching, toxin-free and 100% recyclable. We had been using nalgene bottles for everyone but the mouthpieces were giving us mold/mildew problems, even with diligent washing. Plus, I don't like the plastic taste of the water after the bottles have been in the summer heat for any amount of time. So I figured now was the time to switch over to a better alternative.

So, I had to suck it up and go with a good company with an unfortunate name. Score one for poor spelling and one for the earth.

I Cannot Tell a Lie

There once was a chocolate freak,

In cupboards she’d frequently sneak,

She tried to stay clear,

To enlighten her rear,

She lasted not even one week.

So much for elevated consciousness!!

Summer Transition, Had Me a Blast...

Okay, so the lyrics aren't quite as catchy as the real song.... Here we are, one day into summer and in just one morning, my children's behavior has included the following:

One hit in the head with a tennis racket.
One blow of raspberries.
One relentless tickling of a sibling after numerous requests to stop.
One stupid name-calling.
Multiple instances of potty-talk.
Kicking.
Back-and-forth arguing.
Talking back (or as Supernanny would say, "back-chat")
A tantrum over getting into a car seat by one's self.
Much nose-picking.
A poop that stunk up a waiting-room (this occurred in a diaper...)

That being said, I think it would only be fair to mention what my behaviors included in a single morning:

Taking away of sweets, TV, and computer for the day for one child, plus sweets again for the next day.
Taking away of sweets for another child.
Forcing (gently) a child into a car seat.
Saying "Are you kidding me?"
Forcing (by words) children to say sorry using eye-contact and hug each other.
Explaining to a child that sometimes out in the real world, people who touch other people without asking can get them in big trouble, like, sent to jail. Yes, I said this.


I look at my list and see the use of force twice. That can't be good. This is the time when behaviors are high, attitudes are snappy, hands are wandering. It's transition time. It always takes me a few days of walking around like a crazy woman saying to myself (and my children) "What is going on around here???" to realize that we are going through some sort of big change and with this comes a lot of craziness and frankly, some really weird stuff.

One year, my son went through a pretty neurotic stage where he had to "check in" or "come clean" about every single detail of whatever he was doing at the time that he thought he might need to confess about. I called this stage "Comments and Confessions with Tyson". One time, at a local play-place I counted how many times he came up to me to confess (I don't know where his neurosis comes from...) and in 20 minutes, he came up to me 28 times!
"Mom, I was walking by that girl and my elbow accidentally bumped her arm..."
"Mom, I was climbing up the thing and my fingernail kind of scratched the plastic stuff..."
"Mom, I was running around the corner and my foot bumped against the pole..."
"Mom, I was watching that kid, and I think I kind of made a weird face by accident..."
The kicker was when he was crying and wouldn't go into soccer because in his head he had thought that one of the other kids was "kind of chubby" and he was afraid that he would say something (which he would never do) and felt bad for thinking it!

Aahh, yes, no pressure for perfection in this family. I wonder how much of this is him, or really my parenting. I am definitely on the stricter side of parenting (boundaries, boundaries). But am I causing neuroses at age 5?

Okay, judging from the hysterics in kitchen and one of my sons singing "I tooted, I tooted, oh yeah, yeah, yeah..." I think it is probably time to sign off and go parent.

Go Summer!