Those last five pounds....

I see you. You don't think I can see you, but I can. You small, square sandwich quarter sitting on a spiderman plate, filled with peanut butter and fluffy goodness. But I will not eat you. I will not. Today is not the day.

Because if I do, then I'll just take 2 bites of your twin next to you, just as I'm bringing the plate to the counter. And because I have to clear off the rest of the kid table, I'll finish your little pretzel friends in the snack bowl... there's only 3 or 4 of them. And then the last graham cracker left by the two year-old diner now playing that flute oh-so-loudly and persistently in the living room.

And then, because I haven't had my lunch yet, I will eat a salad.

And since I already blew the day with the craziness of somebody else's peanut butter and fluff, I might as well have just a small cup of M&Ms. Maybe two.

And then I will already start thinking that I will do better tomorrow. Forget it, I'll just have the ice cream for dessert after dinner tonight like everybody else and THEN I'll start fresh tomorrow.

Nope, no fluffernutter for me, thank you. I have more willpower than that.

And I was doing so well up until lunch....

Another milestone...

My oldest son starts first grade tomorrow and I am again reminded of what an emotional, crazy, wonderful, confusing job this parenting thing is. It is so bittersweet, this first day of school experience, and I'm truly very excited for him.

But he's my sweet boy. My first baby. My sensitive little man.

I want to celebrate for him, and hug him, and keep him home, and send him out to the world, all at the same time.

What is going on in his head? I kind of know this, because he's pretty candid about a lot of his concerns. So I know he's excited. And nervous. And is looking forward to science class, and music, and gym. Because he's talked about it. He was smiling about school all day today.

And then in bed, at 7:30 tonight, he asks, "Mom, do you really think I'll like first grade?" And of course, I said, "I really do..."

And then he asks........ "But what if kids tease me?"

Knife through the heart.

Oh my little boy. I wish I could tell you that kids will never tease you. That you will make friends and they will treat you nicely and not hurt you or your feelings, ever. And that everything will always be okay, even though I'm not there.

But I can't say that. And even as much as I wish that I could, I know that learning on your own how to handle the troubled waters of childhood, the social complexities of the playground, the internal struggles of exerting independence and your own voice is what will help you grow, even though I'm not there.

Especially because I'm not there.

So kids might tease. And you might fall at recess. Or make a mistake and be embarrassed in class. And you will grow. And you will learn. And you will be okay.

I have to believe this.

Good luck, my boy!

The following poem kills me but pretty much sums it up.....

My Young Son
by Dan Valentine

My young son starts school today... It's going to be sort of strange
and new to him for awhile, and I wish you would sort of treat him
gently.

You see, up to now, he's been king of the roost... He's been boss of the
backyard... His mother has always been near to soothe his wounds and
repair his feelings.

But now things are going to be different.

This morning he's going to walk down the front steps, wave his hand, and
start out on the great adventure...It is an adventure that might take
him across continents, across oceans...It's an adventure that will
probably include wars and tragedy and sorrow...To live his life in the
world he will have to live in, will require faith and love and courage.

So, World, I wish you would sort of look after him...Take him by the
hand and teach him things he will have to know.

But do it gently, if you can.

He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, that all men
are not true.

But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero... that for
every crooked politician there is a great and dedicated leader... Teach
him that for every enemy, there is a friend.

Steer him away from envy, if you can... and teach him the secret of quiet
laughter.

In school, World, teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to
cheat... Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone says
they are wrong... Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough
with tough people.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is
getting on the bandwagon... Teach him to listen to all men--but teach him
also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take just the good
that siphons through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he's sad... Teach him there is
no shame in tears... Teach him there can be glory in failure and despair
in success.

Treat him gently, World, if you can, but don't coddle him... Because
only the test of fire makes fine steel... Let him have the courage to be
impatient... Let him have the patience to be brave.

Let him be no man's man... Teach him always to have sublime faith in
himself. Because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is quite and order, World, but see what you can do... He's such a
nice little fellow, my son!